spinelstar: (Default)
Helloooooo my loves!!! :D

It’s been what, probably five or six months since I’ve done anything vaguely related to LJ? I am soooo sorry for my long absence, but there were just a ton of things about myself I really needed to work out. I’m still working on it, of course, but now at least I feel like I’m getting somewhere. And I’m going in the right direction.

I’ve been getting a lot of support and connecting with people at my church, specifically the young adult group, which was one of my biggest goals after I got back from Japan. It’s been great. I went in hoping mostly just to make friends, but it’s ended up helping me so much more than that. I feel like I’m really starting to get to the point where I’m not just half-assing my relationship with God anymore. Anyway, that’s all I’m going to say about it because I don’t want to be annoying… But I do want to add that if anyone ever has any questions about Christianity or the Bible I’d love to try to answer them.

So I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy, and plan on continuing to do so. I haven’t been looking for a job yet. My mom’s starting up a non-profit costume rental business for local theaters, and I’ve been helping her with that. Basically we’re consolidating a few different costumers’ collections into one huge computer database for easier rental. So… a lot of data entry. Also, I told her that I’d like to learn how to sew, so she’s started taking me to classes. Other than that, I’ve been doing a lot of reading, and now I’m trying to self-teach myself guitar. And I’ve been trying to go to the gym more, and Mom and I are thinking of starting a diet.

My sister’s still tweaking her book. She’s going to a writer’s conference in a couple of weeks, and her plan is to send out query letters in February (apparently that’s a good time to send them, when agents aren’t too busy). So I’m anxious to see how that goes.

I’d like to get back into RPing, but it’s starting to look like I might only be able to do so once or twice a week. If nothing else, I’d like to drop into crackchat once in a while. I miss you guys! How has everyone been doing??? Please, babble about yourself for a little while in the comments if you have the time. I’m really anxious to hear what everyone’s been up to. :3

What have I missed?
spinelstar: (data meh)
I didn't realize I was going to be an emotional basket case after I came home.

I've been through this before-- a mild depression that tends to set in whenever I suddenly have lots of time on my hands (for example, after school ends, or after I've been in a show and I no longer have rehearsals to go to). I start feeling bored and restless and guilty for all the time I spend relaxing/doing nothing. I get irrationally mad at my sister because I choose to stay up late with her. I roll my eyes in frustration behind my Dad's back because he wants to have dinner and watch family-favorite TV shows with us when he gets home-- only because I've been watching TV all day and I'm sick of it. My Mom asks me what's wrong and is there anything I want to do with her, and I give her vague, unhelpful answers before launching into another round of complaints about how bored and lonely I am. And then do nothing about it.

I love going out and doing things, but there are too many things that feel weird to do by myself. (Also, I guess it didn't help that my car wasn't working completely until yesterday, but that's kind of another story.) I love hanging out with people, but the relationships I have with most of my (Facebook-)friends are such that they would be surprised and confused if I suddenly called them and asked if they wanted to hang out (i.e. I haven't seen most of them in years). Basically I've usually relied on my sister for hanging out. But right now, I want her to be able to focus on working.

I'd like to make some new friends, but I absolutely hate the process of getting to know people-- I'm horribly shy, as I've complained about at length before. I'm incredibly awkward and terrible at making conversation when I'm out with people, to the point where it makes them noticeably uncomfortable. Even before that, though, I have trouble figuring out at what point it stops being weird to invite people to hang out with me, and I have difficulty getting invited to things unless people have a particular reason to hang out with me specifically. Theater usually works well, because you get to know your castmates during rehearsals and you often go to meals in big groups, but I have a few family vacations coming up and I'd have difficulty committing to a show until the holiday season or after. So I can't decide what to do until then.

I've thought about posting a general Facebook status that says something to the effect of, "I'm lonely-- who wants to hang out?" But besides sounding embarrassingly whiny, it still leaves the problem of people not responding because they automatically assume they don't know me well enough, so they're not one of the people I'd want to reply.

I know, I know, I probably just sound like I'm making a ton of excuses, and I'm a lazy, moody Pisces and all of that. If you have advice, feel free to share, but bear in mind that I'm probably not in the mood to hear it. If I sound annoyed at anyone I apologize in advance. My family (who know my situation best with all of its complexities) don't even give me advice anymore because they know they can't really help.

Anyway, I want to start RPing again-- I really do miss it. But I think I'll hold off until I figure out what's going on with me. Mom and I are going to get memberships to an exercise club this week, so having that to do will probably help, and then maybe I'll get a better handle on developing a normal, daily schedule.

You guys are awesome and I miss you. ♥ Hope to be back soon.
spinelstar: (Default)
That's Japanese for "Long time, no see." XD And it is an understatement.

Long story short, I've been back home for exactly 3 weeks. Things predictably got crazy the last couple of months I was in Japan, packing up and spending every weekend going to goodbye parties and trying to squeeze in last-minute sightseeing (and karaoke!). So I sort of dropped RPing suddenly and stopped checking my secondary email. ^^; As a result, I missed some things—some automatic payment failures on my journals due to an expired credit card, some very sweet and somewhat concerned emails due to me being entirely absent on LJ and AIM, and most importantly what everyone has been up to!

So what's up, everybody? :D

As for me, I'm simultaneously not up to much and up to quite a lot. (Figure that one out. XD;) On the one hand, I have been relaxing… Beating my mother at Dr. Mario, taking moonlit swims because it's too hot during the day, chatting with my sister all night until the sun starts to rise. On the other hand, she and I decided pretty quickly that we needed to switch our rooms around, and we've gone all out. After a few trips to IKEA, I've got all new furniture in here, aaaaaand our beds are finally in separate rooms. We used to sleep in the same room so we could chat all night, and left the other room for desks and books and things. But I got so used to living by myself that we decided I should at least have my own space. And I like it now; it's pretty. ♥ I'll have to take some pictures.

Things are winding down on that now, though, and I'm still taking the rest of the year off. I've got a decent amount of money saved up from teaching, and since I'm living at home I don't really need any income. I would like to pursue a bit of singing and acting while I have time like this, but at the moment I'm not really thinking about that. First I'd like to jump back into RPing!! I'm free as a bird, and what better way to spend it than playing and chatting with you guys?? :D You all kept me SANE through what was, for me, both a very difficult and rewarding experience. I can never thank you guys enough. ♥

I'm sure I'll do a long and more reflective post about my time in Japan (maybe several), but for now I just wanted to update and let everybody know what was up. You all are awesome! I'm anxious to catch up with everyone. ^_^

It's so good to be home~ ♥
spinelstar: (group hug)
Just had to stop in and say, thank you SO MUCH for this wonderful lovely thread in the love meme!!! What a pleasant surprise. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to participate... you all deserve 10x that much love from me because you are all AWESOME. XD

*runs off to class*
spinelstar: (Default)
Whoopsie! Skipped for two weeks. Where has the time gone?

Sorry I haven't been around at all, guys. Still trying to stay calm and things. (Sometimes failing—*cough cough* last night.)

~♥ ♥ ♥~ )
spinelstar: (Default)
Wow, this didn't take me as long as I thought it would. Tagged by [livejournal.com profile] in_the_blue.

It's all about ME!!! :D )
spinelstar: (play now)
I still haven't answered that long meme in which I was tagged by [Unknown site tag]. But I seem to have time today and just enough brain for that, so while I'm working on it I shall post this other one as well:

Name a character I've written before (this counts for all RP & fic characters; past, present or even AU) and I will tell you...

01. Full name
02. Best friend
03. Sexuality
04. Favorite color
05. Relationship status
06. Ideal mate
07. Turn-ons
08. Last sexual experience
09. Favorite food
10. Crushes
11. Favorite music
12. Biggest fear
13. Biggest fantasy
14. Quirks in bed
15. Bad habits
16. Biggest regret
17. Best kept secrets
18. Last thought
19. Worst sexual/romantic experience
20. Biggest insecurity


Pup list in my profile! Have at, my loverlies. :3
spinelstar: (i like kitties)
A Drama.

Me, these past two months or so: I'm going home in ___ days. Thank God. -_-

Me, this weekend: OMIGOSH I ONLY HAVE FORTY-SOMETHING DAYS LEFT!!! D: *stress* I HAVE SO MUCH FREAKIN' STUFF TO DO!!! How is it all going to get done???? And why hasn't my new supervisor contacted me AT ALL yet this is his job and I haven't even MET the guy WTH WTH WTH DDDDDX What if he bought my plane ticket already and it's not the date I want and AGGGGHHHH *calls sister on Skype* Sister: *anxious to see me* *doesn't understand why I'm upset* Me: *snaps and whines and just generally makes her feel bad* *can't sleep*

[brief interlude in which I ask my English teacher for my supervisor's contact info, he calls the guy who says, yeah, he has other stuff to talk to me about too and we'll meet next week]

Me, yesterday and today: *calmer* *hits me every once in a while* "Omigosh I'm going to be home soon! :D"

Stay tuned for more updates.
spinelstar: (Default)
Cut because this got looooong.

Musings, and a couple of questions. )

Kisses and hugs! ♥ Hopefully I'll get some TILT done today, but we'll see. :3

(Oh, btw, I'm not in a bad mood or anything. Just pondering things. I've actually had a very good week so far. ^_^)
spinelstar: (shisei)
I skipped last week—whoops! ^^; And now I feel like there are all sorts of things I thought of over the past two weeks that I'm forgetting, but here we go anyway. ^_^

~♥ ♥ ♥~ )
spinelstar: (Default)
If you look on the website for the Japan Meteorological Agency, my little prefecture has been colored red for "High Warning" all weekend. There was a lot of rain, a typhoon that came close that was kind of a non-event, and today it's so windy it was actually somewhat difficult walking from my car to the front doors of the school.

That said, I had a pretty nice weekend. I only stayed indoors all day yesterday (when the typhoon came closest, just in case). On Saturday, I went all the way back up to Takarazuka to see another show, and the gentle rain all day was kind of nice. I bought a pretty umbrella at the theater (they have lots of pretty shops there) to replace my boring, navy folding one. All the Japanese girls have cute umbrellas with designs on them, and now I have one too.

I have been sucked into this whole Takarazuka Grand Revue thing way too fast. The problem comes when you start recognizing the names of certain actresses, and remember that oh yeah she sang really fabulously in that one part, hey look here's a shiny photo of her-- would you like one? it's an afforable little souvenier. And then oh look over here we already have the DVD of that other show you saw, or perhaps you want to see that one you missed that looks really cool, maybe a musical adaptation of your favorite classic novel? And then we have photobooks and magazines and posters and HOLY CRAP I almost spent 300 dollars!!! (Though I actually managed to restrain myself this last time... mostly. But now I have a list of things I regret not picking up. ^^;)

The show I saw this time was an historically-based musical, about a famous samurai named Mitsunari, my knowledge of whom comes almost entirely from a combination of what I saw yesterday and his Wikipedia page (and, I suppose, a basic knowledge of that period in Japanese history). I forgot to read the synopsis before I went, but considering that, I followed what was going on pretty well-- he fell in love with the wrong girl, led a major battle, fought bravely and lost, and got executed. The costumes were gorgeous, the sets were gorgeous, and the acting was wonderful. I was really impressed with the star in this troupe; she has sort of a willowy low voice, and wonderful control.

Random fact about the Cosmos Troupe: all of their otokoyaku (actresses playing male roles) are very tall. Most of them are over 5'7" (170cm)-- that's taller than me! o.o They have this one chick who's like 5'10" or something ridiculous. And she didn't exactly stand out, either.

I, um... don't have girl-crushes on any of the actresses, what are you talking about. *cough cough*

Anyways, thanks to everyone who tagged Data this weekend! If I'm light on classes today I should be able to tag back. Love and sparkles and feathers to all of you. ^o^ ♥
spinelstar: (ignorance is bliss)
The magical disappearing Karin strikes again!

I have a good reason this time, really! My sister (and I) had a bit of a meltdown on Wednesday night about her book, and then again on Sunday night due to something I'd said about the first few chapters of the new version. (Long story. -_-;) So! I made it up to her by reading the whole thing (which btw made me realize I don't know WTH I was going on about, even though it was kind of a minor thing I mentioned O_o;), and it is EVEN MORE AWESOME, and I've been working on giving her detailed comments chapter by chapter because she demands (and deserves) something more than "It's good/I like it" (which is all she's been getting from people as of yet :P).

So! There will still be some of that going on, but feel free to poke me for any reason.

In other news, I FINALLY FINISHED THE &#$% SKATING PICTURE!!! :D

Daily Drawing #14 )

In other other news, I might have a half day today. SWEET!
spinelstar: (mozart livejournal)
…The FML Edition.

Just kidding. Well, sorta. Only sorta because I feel I should preface this by saying that I've hit another low this week. I feel borderline depressed, honestly (I'm not even sure I should be saying "borderline"). But I'll put the details behind a cut; feel free to skip it. In fact, I might recommend it. :P

Cut for length and maybe-not-so-uplifting )

*deep breath*

But because I have not been depressed every moment of this past week (and because I need it now more than ever, really), we continue with your regularly-scheduled TILT:

~♥ ♥ ♥~ )
spinelstar: (ignorance is bliss)
Am I the only one who rates how bad the traffic is in my neighborhood by what day of the week I think it would be in that old "Paperboy" video game?

/random

Meme time! (Stolen from [livejournal.com profile] leeshajoy and a few others.)

Comment and I will comment back with a picture of the fictional character that most reminds me of you. Then post the same in your journal.

I might be a little slow in replying, as I'm not sure how much time I have today. ^^; But have at!
spinelstar: (Default)
~♥ ♥ ♥~ )
spinelstar: (Default)
Late again, but only a day this time! ^^;

~♥ ♥ ♥~ )
spinelstar: (ignorance is bliss)
This is late because they're supposed to be on Thursdays, but I want to start doing these. I have been so amazingly inspired by Gala Darling's website this past year, and I really want to start incorporating her ideas of Radical Self-Love into my life in active ways. (What better time to do this than when I've been feeling down?)

So to start off… )
spinelstar: (hunny)
So. I had a complete meltdown yesterday.

I was feeling a little lonely and depressed the night before. Then I tried to get tickets for something, it didn't work out, and I just lost it. Suddenly, I was just sick of everything and I hated everyone here and I just wanted to go back to America.

But honestly? I consider this a victory. Because I can't believe this took so long to actually happen.

I had meltdowns like this 5-6 times a year in college. When I was 40 minutes away from home and went back to my parents' house every weekend. When my sister was in the dorm next to mine and I could hug her and tell her about everything whenever I wanted. Now we have Skype and IM and that's amazing too, but it just doesn't replace being able to cuddle someone and have a good cry.

But it took me nine months here before I broke down like this. And even now, I can't bring myself to regret coming to Japan, or any of it. And I realize that this is natural, that everyone feels this way at some point when they've gone to live by themselves in a foreign country for a year.

So yes, I'm a little sick of Japan right now. But in the end, I'm okay.

I think I'm just a little lonely. I've somehow managed to make the same mistake I keep making-- though I'm not sure what the mistake actually is-- which causes certain friends in RL to never call me or tell me about anything. But that's another story entirely, and I already got the whole "you should do this/that and the other" speech from my mother last night. So I won't get into that.

Love you guys! I wouldn't have survived here this long without you all. :)
spinelstar: (Default)
My friends, I think I must resign myself to my fate.

Now that there is only one English teacher in my school, the classes are arranged such so that it is humanly possible for him to be present in all of them. And what does that mean for me? That I, too, am also capable of being present in all of them.

Consequently, I am now apparently going to be present in all of them, whether I actually help much during the lesson or not.

What does this mean? Four classes a day, on average. And what does that mean?

No RP, except on weekends. Because I'm just too exhausted and don't have much time anymore.

But I really can't complain, and I especially can't resent my teacher for it. He's a really nice guy. And really, it's a lot more fulfilling than sitting at my desk surfing the internet, and feeling like I'm not helping here at all. Now I get to actually see and talk to my students everday. The only thing that's annoying about it is when I'm sitting there through half the class, watching Niwa-sensei explain things in Japanese, and not doing anything.

Anyways. I was in a drawing mood last night, when I woke up from my nap. So you guys get to see one of my crappy pencil sketches. XD

Daily Drawing #13 (and random babbling) )

♥'s for everybody! ^.^
spinelstar: (group hug)
I drew a quick present for [livejournal.com profile] ceitfianna. ♥

This is long overdue. )

Happy Easter everybody! ^.^/
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