Nostalgia

Oct. 9th, 2010 06:41 pm
spinelstar: (harpsichord)
You know what I miss? High school romance.

Having a crush on a boy at school. Bumping into him throughout the day, trying to work up the courage to make eye contact and smile, or maybe even talk to him.

Spending class time daydreaming about him. Telling your friends about it, demanding that they keep it a secret, but secretly hoping that maybe they'll go ask him what he thinks of you.

Trying to sit near him whenever possible. Laughing at all of his jokes. Asking him to the Sadie Hawkins dance, and feeling excited for weeks when he says yes.

I even miss the heartbreak. The simple, simple things that would somehow be devastating, like him asking another girl to the prom. I miss caring that much about little things. I miss caring that much at all. I miss feeling my heart beat faster whenever he walked past me.

I'd miss other things, too, if I'd ever had them. Dating. Hearing other people gossip about how you're "together" now. Flirting by the lockers. A first kiss after school.

I've never had any of that, though... I never had a high school sweetheart. I've never been kissed, either. But I miss the way my heart would flutter when I would try to imagine it.

Now it's all about trying to be cool. It's about meeting at bars and clubs and pretending to know everything, it's about making the first move and trying to make him want you. It's not about holding hands or having a date to the beach party next weekend; at its most innocent it's about finding someone to marry and settling down. And as much as I wouldn't mind that, exactly, I'm not into the hooking up part, nor am I into the sensible and practical attempts to find someone your parents will all approve of before it's too late.

I miss the magic. I miss being naive enough to think there's a boy out there daydreaming about kissing my forehead and holding my hand.

Maybe the rain is just making me depressed. And I need to stay away from graphic novels about high school.

I'm not ready to get back to RP yet, for many reasons which I'd rather not get into.
spinelstar: (Default)
I'm almost ready to come back to RPing, I think. Almost.

I posted a another really long and late reply in the DE today. LOL I sound like I'm trying to start a war. XD

Meanwhile.

Cut for a rant about boys )

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