These are good thoughts. And thanks so much for your thoughtful answers; this is why I love talking with you so much. ♥ It's just nice to have ponderings to add to my own ponderings.
If it's not too personal a question, can I ask for some examples of what things you felt were the "right things" to change in your life? Physical goals like quitting smoking and losing weight are the sort of changes I can make without feeling like I'm hating myself-- in fact, I'm looking forward to starting a diet and exercise routine when I get back to the States. I guess what I struggle with is more emotional changes... Habits, reactions to situations.
For example, I don't want to be a shy, quiet person-- or at least, it makes my life harder, almost constantly. But I can't change the fact that I get nervous talking to people and sometimes I'd rather not do it, I can't make my life and the things I say magically more interesting to others, and no matter what I will always feel exhausted after spending too much time socializing. I can pretend I'm not nervous around people, and employ various tactics I've heard over and over about "how to engage in good converstations" and all that jazz. But sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm being myself anymore.
Maybe that's strange? I know I shouldn't let myself not make any effort at all, but I guess I was wondering to what extent most people feel comfortable making effort before they feel like huge fakes. Because I kind of feel like one most of the time.
I suppose this is complicated by second-hand experience. I've seen friends go to great and painful lengths sometimes to change what sort of person they are. And even if the changes happen and seem to "help," often they seem really paranoid and unhappy afterwards. It's hard to see that when I already considered them my friend before they tried to change, and I wonder sometimes if it was really worth it. :/
no subject
If it's not too personal a question, can I ask for some examples of what things you felt were the "right things" to change in your life? Physical goals like quitting smoking and losing weight are the sort of changes I can make without feeling like I'm hating myself-- in fact, I'm looking forward to starting a diet and exercise routine when I get back to the States. I guess what I struggle with is more emotional changes... Habits, reactions to situations.
For example, I don't want to be a shy, quiet person-- or at least, it makes my life harder, almost constantly. But I can't change the fact that I get nervous talking to people and sometimes I'd rather not do it, I can't make my life and the things I say magically more interesting to others, and no matter what I will always feel exhausted after spending too much time socializing. I can pretend I'm not nervous around people, and employ various tactics I've heard over and over about "how to engage in good converstations" and all that jazz. But sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm being myself anymore.
Maybe that's strange? I know I shouldn't let myself not make any effort at all, but I guess I was wondering to what extent most people feel comfortable making effort before they feel like huge fakes. Because I kind of feel like one most of the time.
I suppose this is complicated by second-hand experience. I've seen friends go to great and painful lengths sometimes to change what sort of person they are. And even if the changes happen and seem to "help," often they seem really paranoid and unhappy afterwards. It's hard to see that when I already considered them my friend before they tried to change, and I wonder sometimes if it was really worth it. :/