I didn't realize I was going to be an emotional basket case after I came home.

I've been through this before-- a mild depression that tends to set in whenever I suddenly have lots of time on my hands (for example, after school ends, or after I've been in a show and I no longer have rehearsals to go to). I start feeling bored and restless and guilty for all the time I spend relaxing/doing nothing. I get irrationally mad at my sister because I choose to stay up late with her. I roll my eyes in frustration behind my Dad's back because he wants to have dinner and watch family-favorite TV shows with us when he gets home-- only because I've been watching TV all day and I'm sick of it. My Mom asks me what's wrong and is there anything I want to do with her, and I give her vague, unhelpful answers before launching into another round of complaints about how bored and lonely I am. And then do nothing about it.

I love going out and doing things, but there are too many things that feel weird to do by myself. (Also, I guess it didn't help that my car wasn't working completely until yesterday, but that's kind of another story.) I love hanging out with people, but the relationships I have with most of my (Facebook-)friends are such that they would be surprised and confused if I suddenly called them and asked if they wanted to hang out (i.e. I haven't seen most of them in years). Basically I've usually relied on my sister for hanging out. But right now, I want her to be able to focus on working.

I'd like to make some new friends, but I absolutely hate the process of getting to know people-- I'm horribly shy, as I've complained about at length before. I'm incredibly awkward and terrible at making conversation when I'm out with people, to the point where it makes them noticeably uncomfortable. Even before that, though, I have trouble figuring out at what point it stops being weird to invite people to hang out with me, and I have difficulty getting invited to things unless people have a particular reason to hang out with me specifically. Theater usually works well, because you get to know your castmates during rehearsals and you often go to meals in big groups, but I have a few family vacations coming up and I'd have difficulty committing to a show until the holiday season or after. So I can't decide what to do until then.

I've thought about posting a general Facebook status that says something to the effect of, "I'm lonely-- who wants to hang out?" But besides sounding embarrassingly whiny, it still leaves the problem of people not responding because they automatically assume they don't know me well enough, so they're not one of the people I'd want to reply.

I know, I know, I probably just sound like I'm making a ton of excuses, and I'm a lazy, moody Pisces and all of that. If you have advice, feel free to share, but bear in mind that I'm probably not in the mood to hear it. If I sound annoyed at anyone I apologize in advance. My family (who know my situation best with all of its complexities) don't even give me advice anymore because they know they can't really help.

Anyway, I want to start RPing again-- I really do miss it. But I think I'll hold off until I figure out what's going on with me. Mom and I are going to get memberships to an exercise club this week, so having that to do will probably help, and then maybe I'll get a better handle on developing a normal, daily schedule.

You guys are awesome and I miss you. ♥ Hope to be back soon.

Just had to stop in and say, thank you SO MUCH for this wonderful lovely thread in the love meme!!! What a pleasant surprise. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to participate... you all deserve 10x that much love from me because you are all AWESOME. XD

*runs off to class*

Wow, this didn't take me as long as I thought it would. Tagged by in_the_blue.

( It's all about ME!!! :D )

A Drama.

Me, these past two months or so: I'm going home in ___ days. Thank God. -_-

Me, this weekend: OMIGOSH I ONLY HAVE FORTY-SOMETHING DAYS LEFT!!! D: *stress* I HAVE SO MUCH FREAKIN' STUFF TO DO!!! How is it all going to get done???? And why hasn't my new supervisor contacted me AT ALL yet this is his job and I haven't even MET the guy WTH WTH WTH DDDDDX What if he bought my plane ticket already and it's not the date I want and AGGGGHHHH *calls sister on Skype* Sister: *anxious to see me* *doesn't understand why I'm upset* Me: *snaps and whines and just generally makes her feel bad* *can't sleep*

[brief interlude in which I ask my English teacher for my supervisor's contact info, he calls the guy who says, yeah, he has other stuff to talk to me about too and we'll meet next week]

Me, yesterday and today: *calmer* *hits me every once in a while* "Omigosh I'm going to be home soon! :D"

Stay tuned for more updates.

I skipped last week—whoops! ^^; And now I feel like there are all sorts of things I thought of over the past two weeks that I'm forgetting, but here we go anyway. ^_^

( ~♥ ♥ ♥~ )

The magical disappearing Karin strikes again!

I have a good reason this time, really! My sister (and I) had a bit of a meltdown on Wednesday night about her book, and then again on Sunday night due to something I'd said about the first few chapters of the new version. (Long story. -_-;) So! I made it up to her by reading the whole thing (which btw made me realize I don't know WTH I was going on about, even though it was kind of a minor thing I mentioned O_o;), and it is EVEN MORE AWESOME, and I've been working on giving her detailed comments chapter by chapter because she demands (and deserves) something more than "It's good/I like it" (which is all she's been getting from people as of yet :P).

So! There will still be some of that going on, but feel free to poke me for any reason.

In other news, I FINALLY FINISHED THE &#$% SKATING PICTURE!!! :D

( Daily Drawing #14 )

In other other news, I might have a half day today. SWEET!

Am I the only one who rates how bad the traffic is in my neighborhood by what day of the week I think it would be in that old "Paperboy" video game?

/random

Meme time! (Stolen from leeshajoy and a few others.)

Comment and I will comment back with a picture of the fictional character that most reminds me of you. Then post the same in your journal.

I might be a little slow in replying, as I'm not sure how much time I have today. ^^; But have at!

Late again, but only a day this time! ^^;

( ~♥ ♥ ♥~ )

So. I had a complete meltdown yesterday.

I was feeling a little lonely and depressed the night before. Then I tried to get tickets for something, it didn't work out, and I just lost it. Suddenly, I was just sick of everything and I hated everyone here and I just wanted to go back to America.

But honestly? I consider this a victory. Because I can't believe this took so long to actually happen.

I had meltdowns like this 5-6 times a year in college. When I was 40 minutes away from home and went back to my parents' house every weekend. When my sister was in the dorm next to mine and I could hug her and tell her about everything whenever I wanted. Now we have Skype and IM and that's amazing too, but it just doesn't replace being able to cuddle someone and have a good cry.

But it took me nine months here before I broke down like this. And even now, I can't bring myself to regret coming to Japan, or any of it. And I realize that this is natural, that everyone feels this way at some point when they've gone to live by themselves in a foreign country for a year.

So yes, I'm a little sick of Japan right now. But in the end, I'm okay.

I think I'm just a little lonely. I've somehow managed to make the same mistake I keep making-- though I'm not sure what the mistake actually is-- which causes certain friends in RL to never call me or tell me about anything. But that's another story entirely, and I already got the whole "you should do this/that and the other" speech from my mother last night. So I won't get into that.

Love you guys! I wouldn't have survived here this long without you all. :)

I drew a quick present for ceitfianna. ♥

( This is long overdue. )

Happy Easter everybody! ^.^/