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[personal profile] spinelstar
My friends, I think I must resign myself to my fate.

Now that there is only one English teacher in my school, the classes are arranged such so that it is humanly possible for him to be present in all of them. And what does that mean for me? That I, too, am also capable of being present in all of them.

Consequently, I am now apparently going to be present in all of them, whether I actually help much during the lesson or not.

What does this mean? Four classes a day, on average. And what does that mean?

No RP, except on weekends. Because I'm just too exhausted and don't have much time anymore.

But I really can't complain, and I especially can't resent my teacher for it. He's a really nice guy. And really, it's a lot more fulfilling than sitting at my desk surfing the internet, and feeling like I'm not helping here at all. Now I get to actually see and talk to my students everday. The only thing that's annoying about it is when I'm sitting there through half the class, watching Niwa-sensei explain things in Japanese, and not doing anything.

Anyways. I was in a drawing mood last night, when I woke up from my nap. So you guys get to see one of my crappy pencil sketches. XD

Yay, it's another Julian. ♥ Reference was model Corey Baptiste.

There are a lot of things wrong with this, and as you can see I got bored with the shading before I could really make it look good. But overall, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I really suck at anything resembling realism, lol.

In other semi-related news, I've been getting in touch with my inner Julian, looking up all sorts of things about my astrological Sign. It's really fascinating to me how much I fit into the description of Pisces, even more so when you take into account how my Moon Sign and my Ascendant affect everything as well. And it's especially funny to me because according to my sister's chart, we shouldn’t be as good friends as we are. Heh. (But again, it does creepily describe some of the problems we've had in the past, and even ones we continue to have…)

I'm not sure why I'm so interested in all of it. (I *could* blame my easily-addicted Pisces personality, lol. :3) I guess because the descriptions I read tend to describe my Sign in a mostly-positive light, despite the fact that it fits a lot of the characteristics I don’t like about myself. What I think of as wishy-washy, shy, and hard to get close to, other people describe as adaptive, mysterious, and deeply loyal.

I think I've been trying too hard to fight those things—which has never worked—or even felt guilty for them. I wonder if maybe I could get in touch with them instead. I think I might have even had a subconscious impression that loving and accepting myself either meant not being those things, or that it would at least fix those things once I had "achieved" self-esteem. But maybe those are the very things I need to let myself love, the things other people will grow to love about me (or maybe even already do!).

I don't know. Again, I'm not certain how much I really buy into astrology. But it's gotten me thinking about how I perceive myself, and that's good.

After all, Julian's character is based very heavily on Pisces' personality traits, and I find him absolutely Yummy. ♥

♥'s for everybody! ^.^
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January 2012

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