Almost there...
Oct. 6th, 2010 11:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spinelstarI'm almost ready to come back to RPing, I think. Almost.
I posted a another really long and late reply in the DE today. LOL I sound like I'm trying to start a war. XD
Meanwhile.
Japanese women seem to think I'm the most adorable thing ever, or at least they act like it. They poke at my face (???) and keep repeating over and over, "Kirei! Kawaii!" ("You're so pretty! You're so cute!")
I don't get it. And then Japanese guys don't seem to take any notice of me at all. I mean, I guess they wouldn't say anything about it if they did think I was cute, but I don't even notice them looking at me, much less talking to me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but they seem much more eager to try to talk to the other foreign girls who are with me when we're out. I can never tell how much of that is me being shy, versus them not being interested (or too shy themselves). But it's kind of annoying. Not to mention the fact that none of the other JET guys seem particularly interested in me, either. But I can tell that they are totally checking out some of the other JET girls.
The fact that it seems like no guys go out of their way to try to talk to me does not help my lack of confidence or my shyness any. I always feel like the last one picked. Maybe if I talked to guys more, they'd be receptive, but will they really not notice me until then? That seems especially pathetic considering how exotic I look here.
I've been told that many Japanese guys like girls who are kind of shy. One would think that would work to my advantage. But I can't be shy if they don't talk to me first! Maybe I'm scaring them off because I'm too tall...? (5'6"?)
It's disappointing, because sometimes it seems like I'll never find a guy who doesn't mind that I'm quiet. I've always hated it when people tell me that guys only like confident girls, that I need to be more outgoing, etc. It always feels like pretending to be something I'm not. I'm just naturally shy and reserved; I've been that way since I was a toddler. I don't see why I need to be phony or have a personality overhaul to meet the guy of my dreams (or any guy at all, really). And it's not like I'm totally silent or anything... If someone takes the time to talk to me I'm really friendly and interested in them. I even initiate conversations pretty regularly. I'm just not aggressive, and I run out of things to say sometimes.
I'm 22 and I've never even been asked on a date. That's not normal. There must be something wrong with me, right? What is it about me that's so unattractive? I'm not the hottest girl ever, but I'd like to think I'm not ugly, and it can't be my weight either because there are plenty of girls heavier than me whose boyfriends are totally into them (as they should be!).
I just don't get it. :(
/rant
I posted a another really long and late reply in the DE today. LOL I sound like I'm trying to start a war. XD
Meanwhile.
Japanese women seem to think I'm the most adorable thing ever, or at least they act like it. They poke at my face (???) and keep repeating over and over, "Kirei! Kawaii!" ("You're so pretty! You're so cute!")
I don't get it. And then Japanese guys don't seem to take any notice of me at all. I mean, I guess they wouldn't say anything about it if they did think I was cute, but I don't even notice them looking at me, much less talking to me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but they seem much more eager to try to talk to the other foreign girls who are with me when we're out. I can never tell how much of that is me being shy, versus them not being interested (or too shy themselves). But it's kind of annoying. Not to mention the fact that none of the other JET guys seem particularly interested in me, either. But I can tell that they are totally checking out some of the other JET girls.
The fact that it seems like no guys go out of their way to try to talk to me does not help my lack of confidence or my shyness any. I always feel like the last one picked. Maybe if I talked to guys more, they'd be receptive, but will they really not notice me until then? That seems especially pathetic considering how exotic I look here.
I've been told that many Japanese guys like girls who are kind of shy. One would think that would work to my advantage. But I can't be shy if they don't talk to me first! Maybe I'm scaring them off because I'm too tall...? (5'6"?)
It's disappointing, because sometimes it seems like I'll never find a guy who doesn't mind that I'm quiet. I've always hated it when people tell me that guys only like confident girls, that I need to be more outgoing, etc. It always feels like pretending to be something I'm not. I'm just naturally shy and reserved; I've been that way since I was a toddler. I don't see why I need to be phony or have a personality overhaul to meet the guy of my dreams (or any guy at all, really). And it's not like I'm totally silent or anything... If someone takes the time to talk to me I'm really friendly and interested in them. I even initiate conversations pretty regularly. I'm just not aggressive, and I run out of things to say sometimes.
I'm 22 and I've never even been asked on a date. That's not normal. There must be something wrong with me, right? What is it about me that's so unattractive? I'm not the hottest girl ever, but I'd like to think I'm not ugly, and it can't be my weight either because there are plenty of girls heavier than me whose boyfriends are totally into them (as they should be!).
I just don't get it. :(
/rant
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-06 06:12 am (UTC)I hope so... But I'm getting older and no closer to having a relationship than I was in high school. If anything, I've taken steps backwards.
I do have several guys friends, but they talk to me freely about other girls they think are hot. Isn't that a pretty clear sign that they're not interested in me? T.T It certainly does nothing to make me feel better, either, because they often seem to be interested in qualities/looks that I lack. I don't know why they started talking to me about girls, either... I've definitely never acted like "just one of the guys" and I never talked to them about boys...
Sorry. I'm just feeling like I must be a freak or something. :(
no subject
Date: 2010-10-06 07:33 pm (UTC)I'm 29 and last went on a date two years ago, so yeah, guys don't make sense. You're not a freak at all.